Polianiac

This morning I watched President Bush’s last official news conference. I heard him use the word “disappointment” or one of its variants over and over again. When I looked up the word the meaning of “disappointment” was vague. I did not understand its significance until I read the Thesaurus entry: “Unhappiness caused by the failure of one’s hopes, desires, or expectations: discontent, discontentment, dissatisfaction, letdown, regret…”

I realized I was seeing and hearing the lived experience of disappointment  up close and personal. The experience evoked empathy but more importantly I found myself identifying with it. I owe President Bush a “Thank you” this morning. I need to thank him for bringing me to Jesus on this concept — one I have notoriously resisted with all my might.

My personal resistance to the concept of disappointment has not been a quiet one. For years this concept, even this word, has been problematic for me. I never seem able, much less capable, of expressing “disappointment”. For some reason it always felt like giving-in, resigning, acquiescing, or accepting failure. I do not know how to do that. Therefore I merely find myself being dragged there kicking and screaming all the way.

Yes, disappointment  is an appropriate word. Furthermore, until we face it we can not move beyond it. All your energy goes into denying its very existence—as opposed to moving forward. Therefore we get stuck — like quicksand.

We continually place artificial lines and boundaries on life events and by doing so we delimit the realm of possibility. The “discontent, letdown, and regret” come from our own perception that some-thing is over, done, finished… Well maybe not. Maybe it is the perception that must change. The horizon of possibility is limited only by our own imagination. Thank you President Bush for helping me understand that disappointment  does not in any way designate finality. Quite the contrary…

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