Polianiac

Note from Author: This is satire. It is intended for entertainment purposes only. If in doubt, seek the care of a licensed mental health care provider.

Etiology: The positive identification of a specific cause of Pre-Election-Burn-Out Syndrome (PEBO) is unknown; however, PEBO Syndrome has been shown to occur in populations that experience painfully long “run-ups” to major national elections. An excellent example of this co-occurring social phenomenon in the U.S. is the Presidential Election of 2008. This particular election process actually began immediately following the 2006 Mid-Term elections. It continues to this day.

Symptomology: Fatigue associated with pronounced “push-back” to all things associated with the Political process; including candidate selection, running mate selection, candidates’ stances on issues, and general interest in major national party events, e.g. National Conventions.  An associated feeling of dread and/or anxiety to upcoming events expected to saturate the national media, and therefore, the collective consciousness may also be present. In rare cases, this syndrome may result in extreme reaction processes, including but not limited to: repeated and prolonged viewing of “Leave It to Beaver”  episodes aired on TVLAND, Obsessive-like bouts of vacuuming, dusting, and/or cleaning activities employed as avoidance to further media exposure, sudden and uncontrollable urges to color, paint, and/or manipulate clay or play-doh. In very rare cases, individuals have been known to enter a trance-like state accompanied by drooling, hearing voices of media personalities not present, or imagined alternate realities such as living on deserted tropic isles, jungles, mountaintops etc.

Course of Treatment: Unfortunately there is no known cure for PEBO Syndrome as the condition will eventually run its course. Individual’s suffering from the syndrome have demonstrated positive response to social adjustment therapies such as increased time out with friends, starting new hobbies, or volunteering for various social agencies not immediately associated with Political or Governmental affairs. The successful implementation of support group therapy in similar syndromes suggests this might be of benefit to those suffering PEBO; however, this syndrome is still in its infancy… Human contact such as long lunches with friends, hugs, and phone calls seem to be most effective. 

Prognosis: It will be over before Thanksgiving. Try holiday meal-planning or early shopping as a last resort.